Christine’s quickies: limericks

It’s been idly supposed that some people

Who ring bells want to rock the old steeple

Since they seldom get laid

And never get paid

They must do it just for the free pull.

 

Though some paintings are better unhung

And most Arias better unsung

When it comes to the breasts

Of old dears with large chests

Things are better confined than unslung.

 

As the orchestra warmed to its task

First trombone pinched the trumpeter’s arse

Amidst the cacophony

Came the screech, ‘Just get off-a me!’

The reply: ‘But you’re more arse than brass!’ 

 

Jill gave dance demonstrations on telly

With a snake-charming man from New Delhi

While they danced the samba

Out slithered a mamba

And bit off a bit of her belly.

 

On the ceiling in here there’s a crack

And a wet patch that’s making it slack

When it finally falls in

With a din that’s appalling

There’ll be more of a duck than a quack.